Mel Choyce

  • From year to year

    Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

    Hal Borland

    I’m not super into New Year’s resolutions. They take a lot of habit-building work, and just tend to leave me disappointed with myself. This year I’m focusing on maintaining and growing habits I built in 2018.

    Health

    I found a personal trainer last year, and went to the gym nearly every dang week. The only times I didn’t make my appointment were due to travel, and then, I almost always doubled up the week before or after to make up for it. Swarm tells me I checked in to my gym 64 times. I’ve become stronger, and have more endurance. My back hurts less. I’ve discovered I love lifting weights. It’s expensive as hell, but it’s been so worth it.

    In 2019, I want to continue seeing my trainer weekly. If I can make it one more day a week, whether for a class or a workout on my own, I’ll consider that a success. I think scheduling it into my calendar will help.

    Balance

    Learning how to say no has been a longterm goal of mine. I’m a people pleaser — I like helping, and don’t like disappointing folks. However, there’s only so many things you can say yes to. I did pretty well at limiting what I said yes to last year, and I’d like to keep it up.

    Over my sabbatical, I learned the important of taking space away from work. I need to be intentional about creating this time for myself in the future. In order to achieve balance, I need time for rest, reflection, and personal creativity.

    Professional Growth

    I took a break from speaking last year — I gave just one talk the entire year. I needed to take this kind of break to regain some energy and equilibrium, but this year I’m ready to bounce back. I’d like to give 4–5 talks throughout the year. I’ve already put in my first speaker applications, for Lesbians Who Tech in February and WordCamp Europe this summer in Berlin!

    I did a good job of blogging last year. This year, I’d like to do a great job. I have a tentative goal set for myself of “write something every other week,” but we’ll see whether or not I stick to that. I definitely want to write at least one post per month, at the bare minimum. If I can write more this year than I did last year, that’ll be a win.

    Personal Growth

    I’ve been learning how to drum for a little over two years now. Last April, I attended Ladies Rock Camp Boston, where I joined a band, we wrote a song, and then performed it at the end of camp! My band mostly stuck together after, and we’ve been practicing together regularly since. I’d love to keep this up and finally do another performance this year, now that we have a pretty rockin’ setlist. Already looking forward to my next practice tomorrow.

    Lastly, I started making more art last year. I took some printmaking workshop over my sabbatical, which spawned a new habit of watercolor painting. I’d like to continue painting this year and improving my watercolor skills. You can see what I’m working on in my Instagram stories!

    mel

  • 2017 in Reflection

    For many people, myself included, 2017 has been an exhausting year.

    I started off the year in a haze of anxiety and fear over the US election — a haze that only really stopped when I very intentionally stepped back from social media for a little while and tried to give myself some space. I donated when I could, and voted in my local elections, but otherwise feel like I didn't give enough or do enough to counteract all of the awfulness going on in my country. I've felt powerless and paralyzed. In 2018, I want to find sustainable ways to empower myself and my communities.

    Improving my mental health was a focus of 2017. I was, quite honestly, a disaster in the beginning of the year. I experienced multiple panic attacks. After a significant amount of time and effort, I was finally able to see a psychiatrist. (Seriously y'all, why is it so hard?) For most of my life I've been opposed to medication (for myself, not others), but my anxiety meds have made a world of difference for me. My stress and anxiety are manageable, and actually reflective of reality, rather than high-key all the time for no reason. I feel like going out and being social again. I haven't had any more panic attacks. It took a lot of work, but getting the mental health support I needed was worth it.

    My family went through a lot of pain and strife this year, which took up a great amount of mental and financial resources. I think — hope? — it brought us closer together, and we made it through the year intact. I'm considering that a success. I hope next year brings some much deserved peace and prosperity to my family.

    Work was pretty intense this year. I took on a lot more responsibility than I thought myself capable of handling. In a lot of ways, I was right — I made a lot of mistakes this year. I got mired in details that didn't matter as much as the bigger picture. I learned and grew quite a bit. I led a WordPress release and it actually went pretty well. I learned a lot about my work habits (and my brain) that I'll be able to put to good use next year. I'm starting out 2018 with a professional coach, to help keep myself on track and focused, and to learn even more about how I can make the best use of my skills. Better late than never, eh?

    A lot of people supported me this year:

    • My partner Kelly, who was with me every step of the way. Thanks for always supporting me, cheering me on, and being patient with me despite many of this year's hurdles. Thanks for listening to me rant, and helping me deal with the enormous work and family stress I was under this year. I hope I can always be as good a partner for you as you've been for me. 
    • My older brother Chris, who saw our family through some incredibly tough times this year. Thanks for your composure, your leadership, and for making sure our family got through the year with a roof over everyone's heads. This year would have been a whole lot harder without you.
    • My coworker and friend Tammie, who was my cheerleader the whole year. Thanks for the check-ins, the support and confidence, and for checking my work to make sure I was showing my best.
    • My team lead Josepha, who helped me through many difficult situations and worked hard to find the best way to support me. Thanks for listening, and for keeping me on-track.
    • My WordPress release buddies Weston and Jeff. I couldn't have made it through the year without either of you. We did it together.
    • All my wonderful internet friends. I love you all ❤️
    • My therapist. Paying someone for professional emotional labor is the shit, y'all. A++ would recommend.

    2017 was hard. Damn hard. I hope that it's made me stronger, more resilient, and a better friend, coworker, and partner.

    Here's to 2018.

    mel

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  • A Year of Saying No

    One of my personal goals this year is to improve my focus.

    However, I have an embarrassing confession to make:

    I can’t say no.

    Whenever I’m approached by a friend or a colleague to work on a side project, I’m usually pretty excited. I like helping people! Side projects are fun! But sometimes, I just don’t have time to give my full attention to another project. It’s at these moments that I experience a crippling sense of guilt. Saying “sorry, but I don’t have the extra time right now” becomes this huge, anxiety-producing task that I can spend hours stressing about afterwards. So most of the time, I say yes. And some of the time, saying yes means either doing the task half-heartedly, or sacrificing my actual job to work on something else for someone. Either way, I don’t perform well.

    This is ridiculous. I shouldn’t feel this guilty about saying no. From a logical standpoint, I understand this. People will understand if I don’t have time. If I say yes and then can’t finish the project, or do a poor job, it’s honestly worse than just saying no in the first place. My brain understands this, but my heart doesn’t yet. So this year, I’m pledging to get over that, and to learn how to say no.

    That doesn’t mean I’ll be giving up on this wonderful aspect of the Automattic Creed:

    I will never pass up an opportunity to help out a colleague [Full]

    …It just means I’m going to learn when to say yes (and to what extent I can say yes to), and learn how to let go and say no, without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. This does mean cutting down on projects for friends and colleagues, and even WP core. But only by learning how to say “no” can I gain a better sense of focus this year.

    mel

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