Mel Choyce

  • Time for an update!

    Okay, so, it’s been a while since my last post. But I’ve been busy! In addition to my job at 18F (RIP, more on that here), I’ve written a ton of music and done a bunch of art over the last couple years. Blogging’s fallen to the wayside.

    But! Big changes are happening. My five-year plan is in the garbage, I’m looking for a new job, and I needed a better spot for my portfolio than a Figma deck. So, here we are: new site design, new content, fresh and ready for a new job.

    What would I like to do next? Well, I’m always up for a remote job in these areas:

    • Civil service on a contracting, local, or state level
    • A company that builds and advocates for open source
    • Anyone looking to mitigate climate change
    • …Surprise me! I’m open to a lot of new opportunities. I haven’t felt this undirected in my career in over a decade, so it might be time to really dive into something new.

    If you’d like to chat, send me a message on LinkedIn!

    What’s next for my site? Well, I plan on refining some of my case studies, and have some other projects I’ve been noodling on that I’d like to talk more about. Keep an eye on this space.

    mel

  • Advice to Myself

    It took me a couple months, but I’ve started seeing my coach again this year. One of her first assignments for me is to think about the advice I’d give myself for the rest of this year. I’ve come up with a couple ideas — some of which are perennial problems, while some are problems I’ve only recently started thinking about thanks to therapy and coaching.

    Focus

    Ah yes, focus, my mortal enemy. So illusive and mercurial. What does focus even mean for me? Well, I should definitely allow myself more heads-down design time. Close Slack. Close p2s. Close email. Put “do not disturb” on. I struggle with focus, so giving myself more space to focus by turning off distractions can help.

    And if that doesn’t work? Allow myself to do some passive distractions, like washing dishes or some watercolor painting. I often make breakthroughs on a problem while doing something else with my hands.

    Lean Out

    I have too many commitments. I need to scale back on some of them, especially projects that aren’t directly contributing to my growth. This means leaning out instead of jumping forward at new opportunities. After all, the more I’m doing, the less focus I have for the most important tasks. This is super hard for me! The key to this might be external accountability… or signing out of some volunteer Slack groups when some projects wrap up.

    Be Vulnerable

    Like most humans, I suck at vulnerability. My coach had me read Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, and I need to continuously take her advice to heart.

    This means…

    • Don’t be afraid to look stupid
    • Ask more questions
    • Allow myself to talk out problems with other people
    • Ask for, and accept, help
    • Allow myself to take breaks and time off when I feel like I need it

    Grow Without Shame

    Related to being vulnerable, I should allow myself to be in a constant state of growth. I need to give myself permission to stop comparing myself to other people, and instead, look to them as inspiration — how can I reach that level of skill? I need to embrace a beginner mindset, and get rid of “I should already know this” from my vocabulary.

    It’s okay to not know things! I should be aware of what I don’t know, and then let curiosity drive me. I can choose what I want to learn more about. I can on the things I WANT to know more about and improve them with intent. Rather than striving for perfection — which is an impossible task — I should be striving for excellence.

    Recognize my Experience

    Not only should I not be ashamed to learn and grow new things, but I also shouldn’t be afraid of speaking up and asserting myself when I’m an expert. I’ve gotten way better at this in the last couple years (leading a WordPress release actually helped) but I still have a long way to go. As we’d say at GRCB, I rock! 🤘

    mel

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  • 2017 in Reflection

    For many people, myself included, 2017 has been an exhausting year.

    I started off the year in a haze of anxiety and fear over the US election — a haze that only really stopped when I very intentionally stepped back from social media for a little while and tried to give myself some space. I donated when I could, and voted in my local elections, but otherwise feel like I didn't give enough or do enough to counteract all of the awfulness going on in my country. I've felt powerless and paralyzed. In 2018, I want to find sustainable ways to empower myself and my communities.

    Improving my mental health was a focus of 2017. I was, quite honestly, a disaster in the beginning of the year. I experienced multiple panic attacks. After a significant amount of time and effort, I was finally able to see a psychiatrist. (Seriously y'all, why is it so hard?) For most of my life I've been opposed to medication (for myself, not others), but my anxiety meds have made a world of difference for me. My stress and anxiety are manageable, and actually reflective of reality, rather than high-key all the time for no reason. I feel like going out and being social again. I haven't had any more panic attacks. It took a lot of work, but getting the mental health support I needed was worth it.

    My family went through a lot of pain and strife this year, which took up a great amount of mental and financial resources. I think — hope? — it brought us closer together, and we made it through the year intact. I'm considering that a success. I hope next year brings some much deserved peace and prosperity to my family.

    Work was pretty intense this year. I took on a lot more responsibility than I thought myself capable of handling. In a lot of ways, I was right — I made a lot of mistakes this year. I got mired in details that didn't matter as much as the bigger picture. I learned and grew quite a bit. I led a WordPress release and it actually went pretty well. I learned a lot about my work habits (and my brain) that I'll be able to put to good use next year. I'm starting out 2018 with a professional coach, to help keep myself on track and focused, and to learn even more about how I can make the best use of my skills. Better late than never, eh?

    A lot of people supported me this year:

    • My partner Kelly, who was with me every step of the way. Thanks for always supporting me, cheering me on, and being patient with me despite many of this year's hurdles. Thanks for listening to me rant, and helping me deal with the enormous work and family stress I was under this year. I hope I can always be as good a partner for you as you've been for me. 
    • My older brother Chris, who saw our family through some incredibly tough times this year. Thanks for your composure, your leadership, and for making sure our family got through the year with a roof over everyone's heads. This year would have been a whole lot harder without you.
    • My coworker and friend Tammie, who was my cheerleader the whole year. Thanks for the check-ins, the support and confidence, and for checking my work to make sure I was showing my best.
    • My team lead Josepha, who helped me through many difficult situations and worked hard to find the best way to support me. Thanks for listening, and for keeping me on-track.
    • My WordPress release buddies Weston and Jeff. I couldn't have made it through the year without either of you. We did it together.
    • All my wonderful internet friends. I love you all ❤️
    • My therapist. Paying someone for professional emotional labor is the shit, y'all. A++ would recommend.

    2017 was hard. Damn hard. I hope that it's made me stronger, more resilient, and a better friend, coworker, and partner.

    Here's to 2018.

    mel

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